i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
