dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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