I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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