someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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