i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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