i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
