I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A bitchslap is in order.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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