just come out here and I will go home with you...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
