Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Two words: blizzard sex
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
