Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Randomize
