Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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