so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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