i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
