You're completely useless in the revolution.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
