Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
