I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
