She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
