You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
