just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
