do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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