so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
