just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
