Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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