the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
