youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
