He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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