I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
No stitches, just platelets and will power
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We are two peas in an std pod
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
