When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
