The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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