when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
