It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
