i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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