Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
