yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
