booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
