i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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