This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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