Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
