dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
