is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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