Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
