i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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