They should really pass out barf bags in church
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
