My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
