There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
