I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
