We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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