After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
