I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
