Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
