He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
