I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
