Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
