he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
