we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
