Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
