i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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