My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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