it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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