We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
