I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
